Keal Family Letter, October 2006

Hello Family and Friends. Happy October to you all. I've finally
found some time to write.

The leaves are starting to turn colors here in Kempton. The air is
getting chilly. It's that time of year for wrapping yourself around
a warm cup o' something in the morning and evening. Autumn is one
of my favorite times of year... especially since I no longer have to
go back to school! I think mostly it's the food: Pumpkin pie,
ginger bread with whipped cream, hot chocolate, apple cider... aaahh,
it's a good time of year!

We are all doing well. Cirdan lately has really gotten into playing
drums. He loves to beat on the old tom toms. I like to think that
it's his musical Keal/Echols nature coming out already, but it's
probably just that he's a two-year old boy who is finally ALLOWED to
hit something repeatedly. No, I know it's partly musical too. He
also loves to sing. Very often we will wake up in the morning to
hear him singing songs to himself in the next room. It's very sweet!

Thea is pretty much completely potty trained now, although she still
like company while she's in the bathroom. Cirdan has actually
started potty training as well - just so he's not left out - and he's
actually getting it too!

Thea has been quite the problem-child 3 1/2 year old lately. She
spends most of her time angry, screaming, and miserable. She has a
real problem with authority. She wants to be the boss of everyone,
and she doesn't like to be told that she is wrong, or doing something
naughty. She's also been developing a really rude streak lately.
She will very often talk back to Tirah and I when we're reprimanding
her. She'll just throw the reprimand back in our faces. It makes
some sense after all: children learn by example. And the example
she's been getting from Tirah and I lately is: "No, don't do that!
Be nice to your brother! Don't hit! Give that back!" It's
really no surprise that we hear the same things coming from her.
Thea's latest favorite phrase is "Papa, BE NICE!" What do you say
to that?

Thea not only has problems with the authority of Tirah and I as her
parents, she also has problems with the laws of physics. If she
can't manage to squeeze one more card into her bag, or she can't hang
a blanket on the back of her little chair without it falling over...
then it must be the end of the world.

She throws these anger tantrums, where she doesn't seem to be angry
at anything in specific, just everything in general. At the end of
one of these tantrums (which are usually at least a half an hour,
and often an hour long) even she doesn't remember what started it.
It's like Tirah's temper got mixed with my sensitivity, and BANG!
It's really sad (not to mention very frustrating), and Tirah and I
are struggling to know what to do for her. We've actually been
trying to treat it homeopathically, and we've also recently started
seeing a Family Counselor to learn about how to become better parents
in this sort of situation. We're very hopeful that the counseling
will be a big help.

We've also been trying to treat it emotionally. Lately, Tirah and I
finished reading Gary Chapman's "The Five Love Languages." A
wonderfully enlightening and useful book, and one that I highly
recommend. For anyone who hasn't read it, the five love languages
are: 1. Words of Affirmation, 2. Quality Time, 3. Receiving (or
Giving) Gifts, 4. Acts of Service, and 5. Physical Touch. All
humans need to feel loved in all five of those areas, but part of
what makes us different from one another is that we tend to have a
primary love language that we emotionally "speak" above all the
rest. (We also tend to have a secondary love language, a third,
etc.) Reading this book has not only been wonderful for our
marriage (since the majority of couples don't have the same native
love language), but it's also been very valuable for our roles as
parents.

My primary love language is Words of Affirmation. My "love tank" is
full when I get lots of those. My love tank drains really fast when
I hear critical words, or when somebody makes fun of me in a cruel
way. My secondary love language is Acts of Service. I tend to show
Tirah that I love her by doing things for her: the dishes, the
laundry, etc.

Tirah's primary love language is Quality Time. Her love tank is full
when she gets lots of that. Her love tank drains really fast when
the lower priorities of life take up most of our time. Her
secondary love language is Physical Touch.

Our kids are an interesting mix of our love languages. We've made
guesses as to what our kid's love languages are, based on
observation: Thea's primary love languages seems to be Quality Time
(Tirah's primary), and her secondary love languages seems to be Acts
of Service (my secondary). Cirdan's primary love languages seems to
be Physical Touch (Tirah's secondary) and his secondary love language
seems to be Words of Affirmation (my primary).

Cirdan is always asking for a hug when he's sad. And he often gives
spontaneous hugs to us. He has always been much more cuddly and
snuggly than Thea ever was. This says to us that his primary love
language is Physical Touch. He also has always been very good at
saying "Please" and "Thank you," which is what led us to believe that
his secondary love language is Words of Affirmation.

When Tirah gets home from work, the first thing Thea says to her is,
"Mama, come look at this!" or "Come see what I did!" This is very
much a Quality Time trait. Thea also is always asking us if she can
help us. This is an Act of Service trait.

Cirdan has always seemed like an "easier" child than Thea, and we're
starting to see a little bit more why that might be. "Quality Time"
people are by definition more "High Maintenance." This isn't a bad
thing, it's just the way it is. In some ways, giving somebody the
undivided attention that characterizes Quality Time is the most
"giving" of any of the love languages because time is so valuable.
You're laying down your life for your friend. But it is also,
therefore, the hardest love language to put into practice. It can
be a lot easier to simply give someone a hug, or a rose, or a kind
word. Cirdan's little "love tank" can be filled with a five minute
hug. Thea's little "love tank" seems to require hours of Quality Time.

Tirah and I are very excited to announce that we have now started a
Marriage Support Group up here in Kempton! We're following the
model of Lori and John Odhner's Marriage Support Group. We've had
two meetings already, with a total of six couples. It was a bit of
a rough start, because there wasn't very much interest for it here in
Kempton, and that was a little depressing, but almost at the last
minute we got 2 more couples, and it's been a very nice little
group. The last meeting we had with Lori and John was about "Having
a Vision for your Marriage," and starting our own Marriage Support
Group was a part of that vision for me and Tirah.

Tirah is still working hard up a Hawk Mountain. The Fall season is
the Busy season at Hawk Mountain, and this is her first Fall season
as the Book Store Manager, so it can be stressful at times, but she's
hanging in there, and still enjoying it very much.

I've been feeling a little overwhelmed lately, by everything that I
have on my plate. It's nice to be so busy that I never get bored,
and it's wonderful to be pursuing so many things that I see as
important, but I sure wish there were a few more hours in the day!
To give you a sense of what I've been up to here's the list of the
things I'm involved in currently:
1. Full-time father of two toddlers.
2. Husband, invested in the happiness of my wife.
3. Musician trying to start my own business. (Recording Artist,
Performer, Recording Engineer, Composer)
4. Member of Kempton Men's A Cappella group that's trying to record a
church fund-raiser Christmas album by Christmas.
5. Recently elected Presiding Partner of a family investment club.
6. Co-facilitator of a weekly Marriage Support Group.
7. Member of the Kempton Worship Song Book Committee
8. Playing recorded music for church about once a month.
9. Recently added to the members of Pastor's Council.
10. Tirah and I represent the majority of a Contemporary Service
Committee here in Kempton.
11. Not to mention the numerous household tasks that seems to take up
the majority of my time: paying bills, handling our budget, making co-
op orders, scheduling our busy life, getting firewood, mowing the
lawn, cooking meals, and cleaning the house.

With all of that, Tirah and I are starting to realize that we don't
have time to watch movies anymore, which is sad, but OK. Especially
if we want to keep up with more important things like reading from
the Word, doing regular exercise, and marriage maintenance like date
nights. As Rick Warren says, "You have just enough time to do God's
will."

Oh, by the way, you can still pre-order my next solo piano album
called "Peace of Heaven." Send me an email if you would like to do
that. Only $13.00 for a limited time! Visit my website for more
info: http://www.solomonkeal.com.

And finally, I have a suggestion for a new way to celebrate
Halloween. Let's spend some time this Halloween thinking about
people who have passed into the spiritual world. Let's start a new
trend: Insead of the blood and gore, let's focus on remembering
family and friends who have died. Instead of focussing on death,
let's focus on life after death! Let's reclaim Halloween as a true
"holiday."

Have a wonderful day, and God bless you!

- Solomon (Domestic Management)
- Tirah (Book Store Management)
- Thea (Unmanagement)
- Cirdan (Little Man agement)